A daily dose of collage creativity, in images, words and thoughts. Always remember, "Everything will be alright in the end...if it is not alright it must not be the End"

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

A while back....about a month ago

 I witness the town of Darien trying to help out the flood area that seems to be acting up again on the other end of town. We seem to handle things around here for now but not for long as the cattails do what they do and grow and grow and grow like rabbits...that growth then layers up and decomposes in to a marshy earthly sentiment, which is filling the Basin. Every year around early spring I feel it's a duty to clean what I can around this area...the municipal fella's are to clean it but that doesn't happens... About three years into doing this the Neighbors started to help and now we all keep a watch for what we can pick up and dispose of correctly.  After the burn that didn't' work well because the cattails are in a wet basin of course and when the heat was burning the tops off the water wicked up and stopped any burning process that was to happen. the winds were blowing so it should have burned nice.   I couldn't believe that they were burning cattails...but they do..do this. If they want to not have the cattails the will have to invest lots of money to dig them out...and haul out the dirt.

So for the last month of driving and walk by with the dogs all I seen was the trash that was thrown in there. It wasn't visible and it just was eating at me so this past Sunday Morning instead of walking dogs or taking a walk in the woods... I went out for about two and a half hours in my big rubber boots and rubber glove with my hoe and about 4 big garbage bags to clean up. (the family...there's goes mom again.)

little selfie...

Happy to say I filled three and found a brand new trash bag full tossed out there and a muddy rusting mail box...it's cleaned up and my heart isn't aching to see that all out there...I think about the old story.

Once upon a time, there were four people; their names were Everybody, Somebody,
Nobody and Anybody. Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was
sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. When
Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody¹s job.
Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody
would do it. So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what
Anybody could have done in the first place.

Take action where needed, be responsible and stop depending on someone else to do....what amazes me with this all is newspapers, left over plastic bags and alcoholic cans and gallon size bottles..and the mail box were the collection treasures... Add alcohol and be responsible...NOT   

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Kandinsky's 148th birthday today....

Vasily Kandinsky

Russian (Moscow, Russia, 1866 - 1944, Neuilly-sur-Seine, France)

Braunlich (Brownish)

painting | oil on cardboard

Source: http://www.sfmoma.org/explore/collection/artwork/167#ixzz3M4m020Iz
San Francisco Museum of Modern Art

Monday, December 15, 2014

Seen the Movie Wild

To start any projects right now around the house is silly for the Husband as it's the Holiday season so we decided to go on a date and see the movie Wild...He heard I wanted to see it and seen me reading the book...now my daughter Maddie has the book so it's cool.

Any ways he enjoyed it...thought it was a good movie..much like the movie "The Way" with Martin Sheen in it...

Well I'm going to get going on something today...got food shopping, holiday shopping...and I would like to walk myself in the woods so off and on with the day.

Really grateful for a great date with the husband-Randy...he's the man in my life...

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Rambling Rawness

Exhaled Expression, 8 x 14 collage on watercolor paper, Materials, Goodwill find of some handmade papers, box lid, painted drawing paper, acrylics, water soluble Neo II crayon, lyra graphite crayon, polymer and glazing mediums, sewing machine and hand stitching....going primitive...back to the crayons of my youth...feels so good.

I thought I was holding it together pretty good....but I lost it big time. Not proud if it but after losing my whole folder full of the possibility of a second on line class and the fact that I've not really been focusing on the art career and just not caring I knew I need to get to the studio.

If you can see the dark thick lines in the background of this piece....you can tell where I was. Frustrated...and hurting...dare I label the emotions. You betcha...got to know it and call it by it's name.

I then pulled out my sewing machine and just wanted to sew papers together.  I had a drying rack full of paper left over all coated from when I got back from the workshop at Crystal Neubauers at The Healing House Art Studio back in October, I think it was?  Any ways I grabbed all this hand made papers from hanging note pad thingy I found at the Goodwill and started sewing...The papers all rectangle shapes I just started placing down next to each other, sewing across and around no rhyme or reason...More like a maniac.

Totally creating from a place of the emotional edge and or like a tire blow out.  I know extreme but it was, I haven't had this happen in a long time...I remember seeing a video of the singer song writer Pink talk about where she gets the really good stuff to write and sing about  in her music. It's from places like this. The deeper emotional moments.  Though not the prettiest place to be or one that we would like to admit we go to sometimes, reality is...I was there. Thankful to say Was....

My computer is all working smoothly now and The Husband is the Man...incredible with his skills. We were planning on giving it-my laptop a new hard drive if that didn't fix the problems it was having then it would be a new computer/laptop...I really have a hard time spending that amount money so with his time and skills...I don't have to spend that or go that route.  "he's the Man"

Aftermath of change and learning new things and the time I spend so far at the computer writing....(weak link in my humanness make up)  and not getting into the studio like I was...had me standing at the ledge of a emotional crash....All the "Call for Artists" too coming in and my own personal exhibits I'm not getting ready for....so feeling this and knowing it was coming I ran up stairs and started on this piece above.

My husband, dear soul came to see how I was doing and I babble some randomness and just kept saying like a young child, " I just need to be here to create something," " Just let me be here for a while."  "Let me be Here."  I said, "do you know what it feels like when you have to go take a motorcycle ride and you know if you don't your going snap?"  and he understood.   And decided to go and do just that and get some new lighting to hang around the house and get new smoke detectors combo's with the CO detectors..he said, " he has a funny feeling..." What a combo of wildness that now has calmed to a very manageable state.  And I didn't eat funny processed foods or drug or drink a thing...?

I brought it the surface of the paper....without having do for something or show it was pure expression of exhaled emotion I couldn't take any more...I had to exhale....let it out...

I question the black color, why I seem to be drawn to use that and the red, white, yellow and gray?
I know the red is for the life force,  and I do love the way it brings life to what I'm expressing. The Black is about power...honoring it, the power of this life force in all of us and the living things on this planet.
Yellow is for growth, from the sun and our youth... and the white stands for the wisdom through all of this we know now that Gray matters...Ramblings Rawness...

Saturday, December 13, 2014

New Operating system...Yikes

Oh the husband has been patiently waiting to install a different hard drive and the new windows 8 operating system. Yikes...I've up here and down there and over here and push this button and scroll there...confusion... and some fun wordage back and forth...but it's done and well the sad part is I lost the all my pdf I made for the next on line class I had planned on teaching...And I was doing well and editing all by myself feeling good about it...so what does this say?   Not sure but I'm going to take a breather and see...to much computer stuff...

Friday, December 12, 2014

Filling the Well...

I'm accepting of the time lately that I've not been in the studio, as filling the well....images, thoughts...insightful direction coming in and the calm of the moments.

What does spirituality have do with creating art, making art, and the direction ones art is expanding and contracting in?  Call it gathering, pondering,  wandering, seeking of good thoughts or just filling my personal well.

So words though they are my mountains sometime to use as self express,  books of others wisdom gentle present themselves for me to sit with...

How do you define Spiritual?  to become spiritual is to choose to do only those things that contribute meaning and healing to one's life.  (The Woman's Retreat Book-Jennifer Louden, gifted to me by a dear spiritual friend)

Walking in the woods
Reading Spiritual books
Releasing and exhaling on the page with a pen every morning
Sharing deep conversation with like minded people
Self expression through art
Eating good whole foods exciting the taste buds
Listening to a variety of music that stirs my inner core.
Having intimacy of laughter with loved ones.

Yesterday I found in my book club group the discussion about prayer lead to what comes next and that was listening....one has to quiet themselves long enough to listen.   For some of us that listening comes easy...as meditation...but for others (myself)  it is done through a repetitive behavior that soothes the chatter of on going and circling thoughts.    From my personal experience when I start walking in the woods  I noticed it takes about 1/3 of the path I walk  to regain and  find my personal rhythm. I didn't realizes this till yesterday while sharing.  The chatter in my head and becoming present in the moment  is when answers for prayers come. This has me questioning the sounds and movements of African dancers repeating their dance and how spiritual it becomes and how if doing it or even watching it you are brought to a present state of oneness?

Or how about when one learns prayers from their chosen religion and they repeat them again and again...a  pattern forms as they put themselves in a state of prayer-seeking oneness.

I've used other methods of  mundane tasks work around the house...a repeated behavior which sounds so simple  but brings me to the moment of oneness...

As I said before on a few post back....the passion to dig deep or be introspective as the season of Fall comes to an end and we begin soon with the winter season....has me reconnecting spiritually.

So no art today...a collage of thoughts to bring home to the heart and a resting time. 

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Enjoying looking at this Large and sharing about "It"

What do you think?
That's right when you look at the words, Think Big what do you think?

As I shared earlier in my posts here on the blog Fall is a time of big thinking...introspective work for me. Not so much planning but self-discovery.

As I go along my path....of self-discovery, projecting and reflecting... a few things stand out.

1. I have always needed  the time and space to self express, sounds strange but it's always been about creatively responding and acting upon life. Be it with creating a safe environment for my family to expressing on a piece of paper with some tool or tearing to see the torn edge. When I was young I would spend hours in a sand box and page after page in a color book....Educational challenge parents keep life simple but wonder fill with problem solving skills I feel blessed. What I wasn't able to say in words I would be able to say with drawings, color and sculpture very early...I'm really grateful for the opportunity that was always presented...freedom to self express in healthy ways.

2. Self discovery over the years has me questioning...."you could sell this"  or  "you could teach this." I could...couldn't I ?  and that lead to building my work up and showing it a art league galleries...then on to teaching...blah...blah..blah...Mind you all self taught...with many struggles and confusion, hard stuff first then rewards of accomplishments through completion and full classes bonus...Art work sold.

3. Self discovery of earlier behavior that I didn't even realize and was really afraid to look at till the last few years. While I was going up...when I was 5...and barely can remember...My sister Patty, she had Spinal Bifida, she was about three I believe and had complications with her organs and well she passed but I remember her love and smiles and laughter...(big tears for a short life) I would color for her...I started young to entertained her as she couldn't get around like other children her ages.  She was paralyzed from the waist down...I remember asking her what color next.  A simple game was created worth hours of fun.

After her passing life was a bit of a blur and a new sister came Tina and then a lot of  moving from one home/school to the next as my father kept making it better for us with the knowledge of building, construction and rehab...we settled in at a home in Downers Grove and there started a whirl wind of self expression...the sand box, the huge back yard....art supplies, and I spent lots of time drawing things...and well my mom did what most mom's do and proudly bragged...with my educational challenges on some levels I fall short but the drawing and creativeness beamed me up and I starting doing more things to be filled with that good feeling I was receiving. (became the teachers pet with construction paper and a staple over the big wide bulletin boards.)   Though being made fun of all during a young life with your educational challenges, things get distorted and you take everything personal (big hurts) what comes from that is baskets of feelings, you're not like others or you're not worth beans...being alone feeling started after my sister died and with all this young distorted confusion trying to sort with big thinking it never went away...all not true is where I'm at and working on now.. . So Mom doing what she could, she would help me feel good about myself...she would praise me through my art...I felt shower upon...

4. Which now leads me to a big thinking moment...a place where I get caught up on making things for approval of others...We all know or are told as adult artist that we should make things for ourselves and don't worry about what others think.   I've grown up with the need to feel better about myself and not realizing till lately that I really do need to create for me and not approval from others.

5. Here's the confusing parts...it still feels good to share a piece of art and hear a response to it..be it good or bad...Look at what I made...but the other realization is one can get way out of balance with this and get caught on a wave of comparing and trying to do the next best things...caught in the "Marketing of Your Wares War"   But if one is going to keep creating art that is OK and some people buy it they will need to work on the balance parts of this all..never easy... what I tend to do is be quick about getting  things out there and all over the place not bad but with my learning challenges it could still hurt me personally...and well shall I say "that's life baby"  deal with it, grow with it, or let it all go...I choice to grow with it...because I believe in "it"

Much work still to be done and more self-discovery and self-expression...I can't help but think about the book Wild, that I, a slow reader read like digging into a delicious meal, I so related to the journey part.  And from a life longing and learning of Native American's ways...there are paths and road to take...and I hope to stay on the Good Red Road...where I sway from side to side learning..with self awareness to life around me instead of falling short on a Black Road of self destruction. This won't be the last time I go back to move forward...on with more of the "Big Think/Artist Introspective work. Because we know it's a journey of self-discovery.